Memorised
by Strictly-untalkative
Summary: AkuRokuDay 2010 story. Memories, that's where Roxas exsists now; inside Sora's head in the maze of their memories. But there are certain things that Roxas doesn't want to remember, things he doesn't want to see. AkuRoku ONESHOT -crap summary, do R&R! :


**Disclaimer; I don't own Kingdom Hearts, if I did, there would be an entire game about Demyx.**

**Um, this is the first KH fic i've uploaded and the fourth i've written, and i'm pretty darn worried about it. I'd like to apologise for all the complicated exposition and stuff at the start - not because I think people wont get it, but just because its not really that much fun XP**

**Enjoy kiddies, and happy AkuRoku day :)**

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'Look sharp.' Roxas had said easily, Sora started and turned towards his nobody then, only to shut his eyes as the other boy disappeared in a flurry of blue lights. And Sora felt it, the light, as it disappeared into the dark behind his eyes.

And Roxas was gone, along with Namine. Sora patted himself down, his mind reeling for a moment, following a strange watery feeling, like he wasn't quite himself for a moment.

'Don't worry.' Riku's voice was confident and reassuring as he walked forward to stand next to him, 'You're all still you.'

x-x-x

The part of Sora that was still Roxas felt like he was drowning.

He tried to fight against it, reaching out with his arms and legs and flailing around in the darkness, only to find with a sickening dread that he wasn't sure he even had arms and legs anymore. This wasn't what he thought was going to happen. He didn't know what he _had_ thought, but it wasn't this; his head had been full of anger and despair and darkness, but then Namine had been there and she'd said it would all be o.k.

'_You're all still you.' _Words filtered through the Roxas in the void, and he tried to work out if he recognised the voice, it sounded as though it was said to reassure, but reassure what?

'Still who?' Roxas croaked into the darkness, and then he was lost completely.

x-x-x

Sora and Riku were sat in the dark. It was scary, in a way, but it was so peaceful as well, and Riku was there – they were together again, best friends. So really it wasn't scary at all.

And then there had been the letter. From Kairi.

'Thinking of you, wherever you are.' He'd read it aloud, for both Riku and himself. And then the door home had opened, and they walked into the light.

x-x-x

'Roxas?' there was a piece of light inside Sora that recognised its name, and it tried to reach out to the voice calling it. A voice had called for Sora, and for Riku, excited and relieved and joyful, but there was a voice underneath, calling for Roxas.

'Namine?' Roxas said quietly, trying to open his eyes, before realising he was just seeing through Sora's. He could see her now, Namine, and she was smiling at him.

_I see myself the way you remember me. _He remembered her words now, and he really did understand, they were both still there, underneath. Namine was smiling at him, through Kairi's eyes, and he smiled back, through Sora's.

x-x-x

'Do you think if I concentrate really hard he'll go and buy ice cream?' Roxas said suddenly, and Namine lifted a hand to cover her mouth whilst she laughed, and the boy squeezed her other hand whilst she giggled, smiling himself. They often did this, when they were together – it was easier to be themselves when they could remind each other, to take a step back from being Sora and Kairi, and just hang out, in their own memories. Holding hands was just like having another anchor making sure they were both still here.

'I don't think it really works like that Roxas.' She said, after a moment, and her companion pouted, but there was still humour in his blue eyes.

'Sure it does,' he said, before sitting up and waving his arms around, '_Soooooooooora_, I am your _conscience _– go eat sea-salt ice cream until you throw up.' Namine laughed again, closing her eyes for a second, letting herself slip. Roxas noticed her doing it and sat quietly, waiting for her to be fully there again.

'Nope.' She said, after a moment 'didn't work. They're still just sitting around with Riku.' Roxas sniffed.

'They're no fun at all.' He said, pulling himself up to stand on the clock tower's ledge – it hadn't been there a moment before. 'Hey,' he said, 'Have I shown you Agrabah yet?'

x-x-x

That was how they spent their time, Namine and him. They were together whenever Sora and Kairi were, just like they'd said they would be, and they spent their time just enjoying each others company. They would sit and talk, sometimes in Namine's memories – the white rooms and corridors of both the mansion and Castle Oblivion, and she would teach him about things he didn't understand, like computers, and they would sometimes draw together. Or they'd wander Twilight Town – their shared memories making it solid and reassuring around them. But Roxas could never spend too much time there – he just had too many memories there that hurt, things he'd lost, _people_; Hayner, Pence and Olette. And older memories too, time spent there with Vexen, Lexaeus, _Axel_.

Some memories were just too painful.

And then they'd explore Roxas's memories, and he'd show Namine all the places that he'd been – some of the battles that he'd fought; Halloween Town, Agrabah, Beast's castle, Wonderland – Namine loved Wonderland. He never showed her the World that Never Was, and she never asked.

It was harder to remember who he was when it was just him and Sora, but Roxas always clung to his memories, staying awake. He knew Namine didn't do the same, but she had so much less to lose. He didn't like remembering, but he didn't want to forget.

_Is this meant to be my next life?_

x-x-x

Sora was asleep, but Roxas didn't want to join him, so he was wandering around in Sora's memories, looking at the places that he'd never been to himself, or just getting fresh looks at the more familiar ones.

Roxas kicked a stone across the arena floor at Olympus Coliseum, a keyblade in his hand as he lazily waved it through the air, imagining there were heartless for him to strike out at. It was sunny in this memory, but he didn't think he had any memories here that weren't sunny himself; it was just one of those things – like the long nights at Beast's Castle. Sora was over talking to Phil and a tall guy Roxas didn't know in this memory, and Donald and Goofy were squabbling over a couple of potions and a chocolate bar. Roxas watched them with vague amusement, before blinking in surprise as they turned away from the arena and walked into the main courtyard.

'But they only just got here...' he muttered to himself, following them out into the open, before stopping dead in his tracks. 'O.k,' he said after a pause, 'that wasn't here when I was.' He was staring at a huge dark portal, not one like the corridors he had used himself to get around with the organisation, but something large, and permanent, and just, _evil _looking.

And Sora walked straight into it.

'Guess they come out alive.' Roxas said after a moment, having just stared incredulously at his Other's disappearing back for a second, 'But he is _insane_.' He walked after the now, following the memory, only to find himself in the Underworld. This was somewhere new now, so Roxas paid attention to every little detail of his surroundings as Sora and the others walked down corridor after winding corridor. So much attention, in fact, that he almost missed Demyx running towards him.

'Run! Run away!' the figure in black bolted past, disappearing into a dark corridor, but Roxas knew that whiney tone well enough to identify it. Sora, Donald and Goofy looked back for a moment, and then kept on walking. Roxas, however, wanted to see now, he wanted to see a familiar face, and so he concentrated, skimming through the surface of the memories around him for a flash of that stupid blonde hair-do and that goofy sitar. The next one was quite close.

'Ah, you!' Roxas smiled now, as Demyx pulled his hood down, they were still in the tunnels, but somewhere else now – Sora and co. having chased the nocturne into a dead end, and Roxas felt an unexpected wave of fondness wash over him – Demyx was such a goof-ball. 'Wait a sec… Roxas?' Roxas froze. 'Roxas?'

'Demyx?' he said without thinking, but the memory wasn't talking to him. Roxas's heart was beating faster as he watched his former comrade and Other talk, and then fight.

'They, knew I was still in there..?' he said quietly to himself, as Demyx retreated again, leaving Sora confused, _again_.

He wanted to see more.

Hollow Bastion, that was where the next memory was, Roxas wasn't really familiar with it. He'd seen memories of Sora's here before, old ones - when Beast was there – and then newer ones, hanging out with the Restoration Committee, when it was called Radient Garden again. Now it just looked like a warzone. Demyx was there again, and it seemed more serious this time.

'Silence, traitor.' He said, in a sort of voice that Roxas could never have imagined coming out of the other blonde's mouth.

'He's talking to me.' Roxas said dumbly to himself, but he couldn't think about it for longer than a second as Demyx and Sora proceeded to attack each other mercilessly. Roxas watched with wide eyes – they were both really going for it, every blow calculated and harsh – Sora had a large cut on his arm, and Roxas saw with terror that Demyx's entire being had started to blur around the edges.

'Stop it!' Roxas yelled out, not even thinking about how no one could hear him, 'Stop fighting!' he darted in-between them, trying to block one of Sora's blows but the keyblade passed straight through him, hitting Demyx straight on, knocking him to the floor, his sitar dropping also.

And then he faded away, and Roxas had to watch.

'What did he do to..?' he started to say, but then he just wanted to be away, to not think about it, so he let go.

x-x-x

He didn't talk to Namine much the next day, and he could tell that she was worried, but he didn't know what to say to her, to make her understand what he was feeling now.

_Sora, he _destroyed_ them._

He had to follow this now, and he knew that Namine wouldn't want him to, he knew why – he knew where it would take him.

x-x-x

Xigbar fell to his knees, unable to hold his arrowgun aloft any more, Sora still held his keyblade at the ready, like he would hit him whilst he was down.

'Why did you call me Roxas?' Sora demanded, and Xigbar grinned wryly.

'Wouldn't you like to know.' He said, and then he was gone.

Roxas watched in silence.

x-x-x

Xaldin proved quite the opponent, and Sora had needed help – not just from Donald and Goofy, but from the King as well, the small figure disappearing and reappearing almost instantaneously. But the third member still fell, even after all his ferocity. He cried out when it happened, a defiant roar as he fell to pieces outside Beast's castle.

Roxas looked away.

x-x-x

Roxas had always hated Saix, even when he couldn't feel. He was cruel, and mean, and didn't care for anyone apart from the superior, thought of nothing but the mission.

'Kingdom Hearts..' the Luna Diviner whispered hoarsely, 'Where is my heart?'

_That was all we ever wanted _Roxas thought hollowly, as he felt grief start to push against his chest.

x-x-x

'How could you… Roxas..?' Luxord hadn't even been able to defend himself against that last blow; Sora was strong now, and he was angry.

Roxas was crying.

x-x-x

There was one more, one more black cloak to chase in Sora's memories.

_I don't want to see it._

_You felt it, when it happened._

_Yes, but I don't want to _see _it, I… can't see _him_… _

'You're… fading away…' Sora's voice was distressed this time, not the victor in battle, just an observer.

'Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack. You know what I mean?' Axel's voice broke Roxas's heart. He wasn't watching, he couldn't – he was turned away, his arms wrapped around himself, trying to hold himself together, trying to hold back sobs.

'Not that Nobodies actually _have_ beings… right?' Roxas shut his eyes, tears spilling down his cheeks. Axel was telling Sora to save Kairi, telling him where to find Saix, betraying the Organisation to help them.

'Axel,' Sora started, 'What were you trying to do?' there was a pause, and Roxas looked up at the unnatural vortex that passed for a ceiling here.

'I wanted to see Roxas.' Came the simple reply.

And Roxas broke down; he couldn't hold it together anymore. He felt his knees buckle underneath him and he fell down to the translucent floor, his bones jarring as he collided, not even thinking now.

_It hurts too much. I need him here._

'Axel…' he said hoarsely, his forehead against the floor, he tried to turn his head then, from where he was curled up, but all he saw was darkness and dust disappearing upwards, and Sora with his head hung low.

_He's gone. _And it felt so final now, so crushing. Roxas just wanted to disappear as well.

x-x-x

'Roxas?' Roxas didn't move, there was no reason to move, 'Hey man, come on.' The blonde still didn't respond, and a hand started to tug on his shoulder insistently. '_Roxas_. Snap out of it.' Something inside Roxas slowly registered that nothing should be able to touch him here; the memories were nothing but ghosts. He opened his eyes slowly, the tears still blurring his vision as he looked down at the floor, just inches from his nose. 'That's more like it.' the voice said approvingly, it was followed by a pat on the back, 'Let's get you sat up.' Fingers slid gently under Roxas's chin, lifting his face slowly. 'Look at me Roxas.' Came a gentle order, and Roxas let his gaze slowly slide up from the floor, coming to rest squarely on a pair of bright green eyes.

'Hi.' Axel said quietly, Roxas just stared, Axel grinned a little shamefacedly, 'come on, sit up now.' He said again, and the blonde slowly complied, his eyes never leaving the other mans face, not even to blink.

Having satisfied himself that the younger boy wasn't about to keel over again, Axel sat back, still grinning that same confident, slightly snarky, but forever lovely grin that he always had, like nothing had changed, like they both still existed. Roxas swallowed.

'You're…' he managed to choke out, 'You're not here.' He said finally, and Axel raised an eyebrow.

'Aren't I?' he asked, feigning shock, 'I wish someone had said.' Roxas just stared blankly, and the redhead let out a long sigh, sitting forward, leaning across to brush some of the tears away from Roxas's eyes. Roxas grabbed his hand, tearing away his blue eyes from Axel's green to focus on the fingers that instantly intertwined with his own. Axel pulled him closer then, putting his free arm around the boy's shoulders and holding him tight, 'See?' he said gently, 'I'm here.' He pressed his lips against Roxas's forehead softly, and Roxas started to cry again.

'I thought I wouldn't see you again.' He stammered in-between ragged breaths, and Axel pulled away slightly, smiling at him again, from eye level now – their noses nearly touching,

'Seeing is believing.' He said simply, before looking around, a frown shadowing his face as he took in their surroundings, 'Can we go somewhere else Roxas?' he asked, his voice serious, 'I don't really like it here that much.' Roxas nodded dumbly, and without even moving they were in Twilight Town, the orange light making Axel's hair even more fiery as the older man shifted his position to suit their new seats atop the clock tower. 'Thanks.' He said, and Roxas heard the relief in his voice, 'It was all just a bit, _heavy_ in there you know?'

'You… faded away, Axel.' Roxas said quietly, and Axel looked away.

'I did yeah.' He said evenly, Roxas swallowed.

'What happens… when you…' Axel looked back at him, his eyes concerned, but then he closed them, sighing.

'I wouldn't know, Roxas.' He said seriously, and Roxas nodded then.

'You're my memory, aren't you? Of Axel?' he asked dully, and Axel rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly,

'Lot's of memories,' he said, 'yours and Sora's – all of them.'

'Not real then.' Roxas said tonelessly, and Axel gave him a gentle shove,

'Real enough, thank you very much.' He said, pouting, and the part of Roxas that was beyond caring, beyond logic, couldn't help but laugh when he saw it, and the memory of Axel grinned then, putting his hands and gently taking hold of the blondes face. 'Made you laugh.' He said softly, and Roxas nodded, tears coming again. Axel kissed them away, the feel of those familiar lips brushing against his cheeks making Roxas shiver.

'Where do you think you are?' Roxas asked, 'The real you.' Axel pulled away, his eyes serious as he thought about it, but Roxas shuffled over to lean into him, and Axel's arm automatically wound its way around him again.

'I don't know,' he said at length, his voice sombre, 'but wherever I am, I'm coming to find you – I know that much.' Roxas nodded, he didn't doubt it, not for a second.

'Why are _you_ here?' he asked now, and the memory smiled, and Roxas felt his heart beating stronger, just seeing that face, right there in front of him.

'Because you needed me I guess.' He said, 'And you remembered me that strongly,' Axel took Roxas's hand in his own and held them up in-between them, 'we have a bond that wont be broken.' Roxas smiled back then, wide and uncompromised, and Axel's widened to match.

'Axel.' He said simply, the joy running through him making him want to burst into laughter. 'A-X-E-L.'

Axel kissed him then, slowly with no haste, the permanently orange twilight washing over them both.

'You had me memorised.' He whispered softly against Roxas's lips, failing to hold back a chuckle.

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**So I hope that was o.k...**

**And even if it wasn't, I like my reviews constructive - so feel free to tell me so ;D  
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**Thanks for reading!**

**Strictly**

**xx  
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